


91 Days (of Despair)

by Ertal77



Category: 91 Days (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Depression, Fix-It, Gay Sex, M/M, Pining, episode 12 and further
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-13
Updated: 2016-11-13
Packaged: 2018-08-30 19:45:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8546722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ertal77/pseuds/Ertal77
Summary: Avilio is depressed and has lost his will to live; Nero is in love and Avilio is all he has left in the world.Fix-it fic set along episode 12 and further on, continuing their story and giving closure.





	

**Author's Note:**

> For this fic I'm mixing the anime, with his open ending and all the interpretations galore, the bits of the light novel that have been translated into English (with the exception of the epilogue; we don't talk about the epilogue in this fandom) and, of course, my own headcanons.
> 
> The rating is set to "mature", but there's a rather graphic sex scene. However, I decided not to rate it as "explicit" because it's not a scene intended to be sexy, so I didn't want to deceive the readers in case they came here expecting a smut. You can skip the scene if you prefer.
> 
> I hope you enjoy it, even with the angsty bits. I swear there's a happy ending!

Nero knew perfectly well what was going on among the remains of the Vanetti family while he was out there, riding a car with that Cerotto guy in search of revenge. He kept wondering ‘ _How many of them will manage to escape?’_ , but his anger and hurt pride had gotten the best of him and his mind was too far away from Lawless and his loyal men, sadly. His mind kept wandering through a lot of shared moments, cataloguing them, searching them for any little evidence he could have missed of their leading to this. Betrayal felt bitter in his tongue.

He messed his hair again. ‘ _I need a drink’_.

_Lawless Heaven._

That’s how all had started, all that hell. All started with that damned liquor. Nero could almost laugh out loud at the thought of it.

Corteo, the liquor maker, and Avilio, the… friend? Wasn’t it laughable? Their appearance at Fio’s wedding. Vanno’s death, almost surely by Avilio’s hand; yes, he was sure by now that it was him, he was the bastard who finished his best friend… Then the escape, a whole week travelling by car with that strange guy. Strange, but fascinating; Nero wouldn’t deny it, not even right then, the fascination he felt towards Avilio, the way he was drawn to those odd golden eyes that never ever smiled.

But fascination alone couldn’t counteract the bile on his palate. ‘ _Damn! Vanno, Frate, Barbero, Father…’_ He knew the list was surely longer as the hours went by. The last two days, since the theatre’s inaugural event, had passed in a blur, and he started to mix data and feel dizziness clogging his mind. The only thing that was still clear for him was his determination to get revenge on Avilio.

Still, once in the hotel, the body guards eliminated and Cerotto waiting for him in his car, ready to fly, he knew he wasn’t ready to kill Avilio as soon as those golden orbs locked with his. The pale young man cracked a slight smirk and looked up at him from his chair. His dinner was cold and seemingly forgotten. Nero gulped and knew he was doomed.

 

“Why are we taking him with us?” Cerotto complained. “I thought you wanted to kill him.”

Nero recalled that Cerotto knew Avilio from before joining the Vanettis; Corteo and him were somewhat friends. Avilio, of course, didn’t react to his words, and just sat on the back seat of the car while Nero tied up his wrists.

“I’ll do it later. Now we should get moving, or I can’t promise we’ll be able to leave Lawless safe and sound.”

Cerotto grunted, and accused Avilio of ruining Corteo’s life and murdering him. The boy didn’t react. Nero wanted answers, but above all he wanted to infuse fear and regret into those unmoving features. However, Avilio didn’t even flinch when he pointed his gun at him, the metal mouth digging on his forehead.

“Go ahead,” he said instead.

Nero was so furious that he couldn’t help but hit that hard head with the butt of his gun. It felt wonderful. He sighed in defeat. Knowing the truth, the different layers of betrayal inside his own family, shrouding the Vanettis like the rotten onion they were, didn’t make him feel any better. Knowing Avilio’s (‘ _no, Angelo’_ ) real story didn’t help him either, aware of his own role in all that mess: he was the one who left Avilio go seven years ago. If he had had the guts of ending him then, nothing of this would had happened. He watched the passed out face of his enemy, looking innocent and vulnerable, paler than the moon, and sighed loudly.

“Let’s go, Cerotto.”

He didn’t kill Avilio the next day, either, nor the next. Cerotto was starting to cast funny looks on his direction now and then. They rode the car towards the East, through secondary roads and small villages, sleeping in the car in turns. Nero had plenty of time to think about everything that needed to be thought about during those endless hours on the road.

His uncle’s betrayal stung, of course, but he had already went through that kind of hurt feelings with Frate, and his heart seemed to have hardened by then. And that traitor was dead, same as Frate… ‘ _And as Barbero, and Father…_ ’ He gritted his teeth in anger and casted a side glance at the culprit, the ultimate culprit of all the deaths around him. Avilio rested his head against the car window, with his eyes shut, but Nero knew he was awake. He could recognize every nuance in that imperturbable face by then, every twitch of the thin eyebrows or every little pull of the corners of his mouth. After all, he had been chasing after Avilio those last months. Always trying to get noticed by him, to gain any token of admiration; he wanted Avilio to look at him in awe. With little success. All that time forcing the young man to follow him to places he didn’t want to go, to keep him company, to drink together… Now that he knew the true story, it was no wonder Avilio always looked so reluctant. To think he thought he was slowly winning the other guy over… What a joke!

As the hours passed by, and Cerotto’s glances grew more insistent, Nero started to come to terms with what exactly meant that weight in his stomach and that knot in his throat. What hurt the most… what hurt the most wasn’t mourning, or even anger at being betrayed, no. What was eating him inside was the knowledge that his feelings for Avilio were not requited.

Cerotto’s presence was starting to suffocate him; the man was starting to be fed up of that aimless travel and every time he cleared his throat Nero expected to hear the dreaded ‘ _Kill him already and let’s go back_ ’. How could he tell his man that he was unable to shoot Avilio, that he couldn’t find in his guts enough hate to do so? And it wasn’t as if he could go back to Lawless, ever, that much was clear by then. He would be a dead man walking as soon as he dared to tread Lawless’ streets again.

Getting rid of Cerotto was so easy in the end that he couldn’t help but chuckle and shake his head in disbelief. The man left them to buy groceries in a middle-sized town; Nero only had to jump to the driver’s seat and start the car, leaving Cerotto behind. ‘ _He will be better off without us anyway; I doubt very much the Galassias are even aware of his existence_ ’.

Still grinning, he stopped at a diner by the road, in the outskirts of town. He led Avilio in front of him, watching him in case he attempted to run away, but it started to be quite obvious that the young man didn’t have any intentions of escaping. He said he wasn’t hungry, so Nero shrugged and ordered a thick steak with veggies for himself. He felt immensely better once his stomach was satisfied, enjoying a cigarette and a coffee with the first moment of easiness since they left Lawless. His easiness was short-lived, though, as he started to wonder when the last time Avilio had eaten was. He remembered that untouched plate at the hotel, when he was still under the Galassias’ protection. Had Avilio consumed anything in those last days, apart from coffee and tobacco? Feeling a little guilty, he pushed his Lucky Strikes to the middle of the table, where Avilio could take them if he wished. The young man took a cigarette, as Nero knew he would to, and lighted it with a graceful movement, notwithstanding his tied wrists.

A suspicious man stepped inside the diner; Nero frowned and felt suddenly watched, even with the man giving them his back. He threw a bunch of coins onto the table and stood up to leave, not stopping or slowing down until he reached their car. He was sure Avilio would just follow him, no need to check.

That night they camped under the trees, as they had done more than once on their first road trip. Nero lit a fire and they sat around, in silence, watching the red flames painting a game of lights and shadows on the other’s face. There were dark circles under Avilio’s eyes, and he looked gaunt and still paler than before, if that was possible. Nero took a sip of _Lawless Heaven_ , one of the last remaining bottles stored in the car, and passed the bottle to his enemy. The young man accepted it, and afterwards stared at the fire with evident sadness. It made Nero’s anger boil.

“You should be satisfied now. They are all dead, all the ones who took part in your family’s murder, all but me.”

Avilio didn’t react.

“I thought I would be”, he said after a long silence, “but I feel nothing.”

Nero grabbed his forearm, determined to make Avilio look at him, at the very least.

“You are still mourning Corteo? You blame me because it was me who made you finish him? It was just fair, since you made me shoot Frate; we are even!”

Avilio’s golden eyes trembled with emotion while looking at him for a short moment, but Nero couldn’t discern if it was anger or hatred what the young man felt. Perhaps it was another thing altogether. Anyway, he shook Nero’s hand off and resorted to stare at the fire again.

“Don’t lump Corteo and Frate together, please…” he whispered in that monotonous voice of his. “Corteo died to protect me. He would have never hurt me, and it was incredibly selfish of me to put him in that situation…”

He covered his face with his hands, rubbing his eyes, and Nero couldn’t believe his eyes when he saw his narrow shoulders shaking. Was he really sobbing? The cold, always composed Avilio Bruno was sobbing? Unable to stop himself, he reached for the other guy’s shoulder. The young man sat up, avoiding his touch, and when he finally looked back at his enemy, Avilio’s face was wet with tears, his handsome features contorted in sorrow. Nero stopped his hand in mid air, astonished. Avilio wiped his tears with the back of his hand, roughly, as if he was furious with himself for letting them fall, for breaking down in front of his enemy.

His next words, and the last ones he would say that night, shocked Nero still further.

“You should have killed me that night, seven years ago”, he mumbled. “Why didn’t you kill me then?”

The words rang in Nero’s ears the whole night, and he couldn’t get any sleep. Barely a meter away, Avilio seemed relaxed at last, his breathing even in his sleep and his face peaceful.

The next day, Nero felt exhausted and worried. But, to his utter surprise, Avilio finally asked to be fed when they stopped at a diner to have breakfast. It made Nero a little happy. The mood in the car felt lighter and relaxed, as if the previous night’s outburst had calmed Avilio’s remorse, if even a bit. He took the boy’s bindings off and they started to take turns at the steering wheel. He was still as bad at driving as Nero remembered, and more than once he caught himself praying they didn’t end up crashing against a tree. They were silent most of the time, but Avilio had never been the talkative type, and it almost felt as that other time they travelled together.

Almost.

He could feel Avilio’s eyes following him every time he took his gun out, mostly to clean it out of boredom. He even aimed it at Avilio once, just joking, and the boy didn’t even flinch, staring at him instead with those odd, magnetic eyes of his. Nero lowered his weapon then, and realized that all that time Avilio had been waiting for him to kill him. He was resigned to die, accepting his fate, and in his eyes Nero was just prolonging his anguish. It was an unsettling feeling, realizing that.

‘ _Is that what I am for him, his executioner?’_ he wondered, pained.

Their lives seemed meaningless right then, with no family or business or any goal in life... except for Nero’s determination of getting past the deaths, getting past Lawless. He was still clueless of what he wanted, but he was certain that he wanted it with Avilio by his side.

They aimed to the ocean; Avilio had muttered ‘ _Florida_ ’ when Nero had wondered aloud where should they head to, and it was such a right place as any other. Besides, it turned out that neither of them had ever seen the ocean.

The beach was deserted when they arrived; it was an October morning after all, and the sky was threatening grey. The ocean was breathtaking, bigger and bluer than anything they had seen before, and the roar of the waves was much louder than they had imagined. Nero and Avilio climbed down the slope that led to the sandy beach. The air tasted salty. They started to stroll, side by side, and Nero felt his breathing slow down until it was in sync with the sea.

He was shocked when Avilio broke the silence, realising how apart their minds were.

“So this is where everything ends”, he said as calmly as always. He even grinned a bit when he turned his head to look at Nero. “Are you going to shoot me now?”

Bitter bile went up his throat, flooding his mouth. Nero grabbed the young man’s wrist, roughly, and pulled him until they were face to face, just inches away.

“Is that what you think I want from you? Is that what you have been thinking all this time?”

His own words hurt him and filled him with despair. Without thinking, he pushed Avilio until he fell onto the sand on his bum, and then straddled those narrow hips and lowered his body on top of that cold, cold man. He searched for his mouth, blindly, and sucked his lips with anger. Anger morphed into passion, though, as soon as his tongue joined the action and his hands reached for Avilio’s black locks, carding his hair and keeping him in place with a hand on his nape. Unshed tears were burning the corners of his eyes, but he wasn’t planning of letting them go under any circumstance. He kept kissing Avilio, one-sidedly, as all that hellish issue, going deeper inside his mouth, devouring him. When Nero moved away to regain his breath, he was already panting and half hard, but Avilio was still staring at him with the same disinterested look as usual. He sat up, mumbling an apology, and let Avilio stand on his knees and wipe his mouth, looking aside, almost shy in his movements.

To Nero’s surprise, the young man crawled forward and reverted their previous positions, climbing on top of his thighs. His face showed mixed emotions, and Nero struggled to find out which one was winning. Avilio pushed down his suspenders and started to unbutton his shirt with one hand, while he balanced himself on Nero’s shoulder with the other.

“So _that’s_ what you want from me...”

There was an unpleasant smirk on Avilio’s face, and Nero opened his mouth to complain aloud, to swear it wasn’t that, at all... until the sight of the expanse of milky smooth skin of Avilio’s chest made him loose his train of thought.

He was the eldest child in his family, so he never knew the struggles of chasing after an older brother, trying to claim his interest and his affection. He always had his friend Vanno by his side, after all, and poor Frate was just a distant shadow who he rarely remembered to invite to their games. For that reason, when Avilio and he returned to Lawless and the young man started to work for him, he thought what he felt for his new acquaintance was the kind of feeling one could have towards an elusive elder brother. Why elder, when Avilio was in fact two years his junior and he himself had a prominent place in Lawless society, as the Don’s first son and heir, was a complete mystery. Perhaps it was his coldness, that way of being always physically there but with that faraway look, adding to his cleverness and how resourceful he was. That delicate, fragile look at odds with the way he could murder someone without batting an eye. Nero admired Avilio, yes, he always knew that. And he could even admit a certain obsession, and the fact that the boy’s features appeared more than often in his daydreams. But he never, never, had had any kind of lustful thoughts about Avilio.

So it was a true revelation finding out he wanted Avilio desperately, right then and there.

They fumbled on the sand, pushing their clothes off the way the best they could, searching for each other’s bare skin, biting and sucking all the flesh they could reach and fondling the rest in an indelicate way. Nero was barely aware of the waves licking their skins and how they were starting to be coated in wet sand, and when he noticed he simply pushed his sodden underwear vest up and off his head and threw it far onto the beach, doing the same afterwards with their remaining underwear clothes. Soon they were naked like children, although there was nothing playful in their loving struggle.

Panting loudly, Nero dipped his hand between their bodies and closed it around their members, stroking them hard, rubbing them against each other, while he nipped and sucked that incredibly pale throat. Avilio wouldn’t give in and surrender, of course: he pushed Nero’s hand off and slithered from under his body. Frustrated, the gangster watched the young man kneel again by his side and reach for his own backside.

“Come here, what are you doing?” Nero grunted.

But then the realisation landed on him. ‘ _Oh_ ’.

“You don’t... You don’t have to do that, there’s no need to go that far.”

He stroked Avilio’s pale and slightly muscled thigh, admiring the lines of his body, so lithe and well formed. He had never been attracted to men, at least to his knowledge, but perhaps due to his lust-clogged mind he found Avilio’s body as gorgeous and pleasant to look at as the most beautiful girl’s he had ever been with.

“Shut up.”

The boy had closed his eyes and seemed deeply focused on his task. He opened them after a couple of minutes with a grunt, and crawled again onto Nero’s lap. The gangster was having all kind of doubts, but he wanted that guy too much to stop by then. So he just embraced Avilio’s torso and let him straddle his middle and lower his body onto his waiting hard-on; the most he dared to do was guide his erection into his barely dilated hole. When he felt the tip against the young man’s insides, so warm and tight, he pushed, excited, grabbing Avilio’s hips between his big hands and pushing him down, going inside his body forcibly until he was fully sheathed. Avilio shuddered and hid his face on Nero’s shoulder, balancing himself on his neck and starting to move. The gangster grunted with impatience; his hips wouldn’t stay still, and soon he was thrusting into Avilio with short and quick shoves, unable to stop himself.

He tried to slow down when he saw he was going to finish too soon, slightly panicked. He grabbed Avilio’s wrists and disentangled him from his shoulders, pushing him onto his back without even taking his dick out. He had a bit of a shock when he saw the boy’s face contorted in pain, his eyes tightly shut and his mouth half open, showing his gritting teeth. Nero pushed his thighs wide open and tried to move gentler, lowering his body to kiss the other guy’s face, his eyelids and his cheeks and his chin.

“Does it hurt so badly?” he whispered onto Avilio’s neck.

“Don’t speak. It’s supposed to be painful. I want it to be painful.”

Those words filled Nero’s chest with sorrow, and he was reminded, once more, of how far apart their hearts were.

“Avilio... Angelo...” he mumbled, before kissing his lips with care.

The boy moved his face away.

“Don’t call me that...”

Nero kissed his jaw then, sighing. He kept thrusting, trying different angles, looking for spots which might made that more pleasurable for Avilio, stroking his sides, his ribs, his nipples. He finally went for this manhood, half-mast by then, and pumped it slowly until he felt it grow in his hand, determined to make their lovemaking a less devastating experience for the two of them.

Because devastated is how he felt right then, watching Avilio feeling pain, both inside and outside. He wondered what the young man’s goal was in that very moment. Did he want to redeem himself by offering his body to this enemy? Did he just wish to suffer? Or was there the slightest chance of him being attracted to Nero, at the very least? Either way, Nero felt too sad at the thought, and had he been less invested in their fuck he would have surely run away from Avilio right then, never to return.

It took a long while for Avilio to start moaning softly, his long and thin shaft really hard and heavy in Nero’s hand. It made the gangster’s belly twitch in excitement, and his half-gone lust resurrected again. He sped up his thrusts, hopeful, watching closely his lover’s features in search of discomfort or pain. The boy panted and started biting his knuckles to avoid making sounds. Nero pushed that hand away, earning a questioning look from Avilio.

“Don’t,” he asked. “Let me see your face... I want to see you come.”

He almost said ‘ _come undone_ ’, but he bit his tongue in time. There was no way his enemy would let his defences down in front of him to that point, of that he was sure. If he managed to pull out an orgasm from him he could count himself lucky.

Avilio, always so cold and composed, resorted to close his eyes tightly then, and Nero cursed aloud and wondered again what the boy was thinking about. But it was fine, everything was fine, he didn’t mind anymore about what or who he was thinking about right then; he was too close to his own release and his heart felt already too broken to care.

He kept ramming his dick, hard, deeply, into that sinuous and fascinating body that arched his back in pleasure, in a mute beg for more. Nero watched, enraptured, while Avilio’s hips wriggled and bucked, and his wails turned into something soft and high, like mewls. The gangster kept stroking his member until he felt it pulse between his fingers. He caressed the slit and pumped it through his orgasm, milking it to the last drop of come, with his eyes set on the erotic display that was Avilio’s face right then. He had thrown his head back, exposing his throat in blissful abandon; Nero couldn’t stand it anymore and leaned in to suck and bite that white column that was calling for him. He wanted to lay a mark, to claim ownership over that body, over that elusive man.

He finished quickly, assaulting the young man with forceful pounds, his need for him voracious and painful. The pleasure was short-lived but wild, and he fell on top of Avilio with his member still inside, both of them struggling for breath.

They rested there for a while, aware of the mess of gritting sand inside the creases of their bodies and the coldness of the sea breeze against their wet skins, not to mention the state they would find their discarded clothes when they get dressed. But Nero didn’t want to move; he was suddenly scared of what was going to happen next.

As always, the next movements were unexpected when it came to Avilio.

“I was supposed to kill you here today,” the young man said nonchalantly, as if he was only commenting something unimportant, a trifle. He turned his face to look up at Nero, and he was surprised to see a tiny smile on Avilio’s face. “The Galassias are going to come in a moment, to pick me up and help me bury the corpse.”

A bulb of recognition lighted up in Nero’s head. ‘ _Oh. So that’s why Florida. He has been guiding me to his trap the whole time. Why I am not surprised in the least.’_

They almost jumped to their feet, shook their clothes off the best they could, got dressed in a hurry and walked back fast to their car. They crossed paths with another black, sleek car when they were already reaching the main road. Nero didn’t dare to slow down, and he didn’t need to ask Avilio who they were, since it was clear as daylight. He had the hunch he was being followed the entire time, he _knew_ it when he saw that man at the diner, and realising Avilio was playing the lure since the start... well. It suited him, right?

That night they slept at a motel, a series of rundown low buildings facing the road in the outskirts of town.

“Go and have a shower, I’ll be right back in a moment”, he said to Avilio.

He closed their room with his key from the outside, just in case his companion had strange thoughts, and came back as soon as possible with the innkeeper medical kit. Avilio was rubbing his wet hair with a towel when he stepped in the room, and threw him an inquisitive glance.

“Lay down on your front and let me tend your backside.”

The young man crinkled his nose in disgust.

“That’s not necessary.”

“I’ll do it all the same, so lay down now.”

Avilio obeyed with a dramatic huff. Nero took the towel that covered his bum and hips away, and parted his buttocks. He bit his lower lip, appalled to find the area still more swollen that he had imagined. Even using the toilet was going to be painful for some days.

“Ah... I’m going to disinfect it and then apply an ointment... Don’t move.”

As expected from him, Avilio didn’t flinch or hiss when he applied a gauze with alcohol on the bruised area. Nero felt horrible right then. ‘ _I should never have done that; going so far was crazy’_ , he thought with a depressed sigh. Avilio didn’t say a word. He was resting his head to one side, on top of his crossed arms, his gaze lost somewhere in the dark.

“Have you ever done that before?” Nero asked, just to break the uncomfortable silence.

“Being done by a man, you mean? No.”

Nero didn’t want to insist on the topic, but his mouth acted faster than his brain.

“And being the one doing someone else, have you done that?”

Avilio chuckled quietly.

“Are you asking if I was a virgin? I... I did it once. With a woman. I didn’t like it much.”

Nero wasn’t going to ask if this time he had liked it better, not with the painful outcome right in front of his eyes, so he focussed on applying the ointment with the utmost care. When he was done, he wiped his hand in the towel and afterwards he threw the same towel on top of the boy’s bum, covering the soft, cold flesh. He was about to make a silly but fun remark about his buttocks, so similar to full moons, when he followed Avilio’s glance and saw his gun peeking a bit from the inner pocket of his jacket. ‘ _Oh,’_ he frowned.

“Relax, okay? I’m not going to shoot you now, not after... doing that.”

Avilio chuckled again, without a thread of humour, and his voice was bitter when he finally deigned to look back at Nero and reply:

“Why? Do you get attached to every person you sleep with? Tsk... I’ve heard Tigre and the others commenting about how much of a lady killer you are... So it’s a bit late to play the perfect gentleman.” He stopped grinning and sighed into his forearm. “It was just a fuck, it meant nothing.”

Nero’s blood crowded in his head all of a sudden, making him see red. Furious, he grabbed Avilio’s hips and turned him onto his back.

“Oh, so this is nothing to you?  Are you saying you are the one who will shoot me as soon as I lost sight of my gun? Well, that won’t happen, so take your eyes off it.”

He was so enraged that he was tempted to throw the damned weapon to the ocean at the next chance he had. Instead, he ravished Avilio’s neck, leaving angry marks over the ones he had already left. The young guy simply let him do, lying there with an absent look. ‘ _It means nothing, nothing’._ Nero felt like crying again, but in the end he managed to calm down and turn his kisses gentler. He touched that cold body with soft, feathery fingers, marvelling at the fact that he still wanted it, still wanted _him._ He didn’t go all the way, not wanting to hurt Avilio anymore, but he satisfied his thirst for him all the same. He felt like crap as soon as the pleasure started to fade.

“What’s wrong now?” Avilio muttered, reaching for their Lucky Strikes and the lighter. “Wasn’t this what you wanted?”

Nero emitted a sound that was half a huff and half a sob. He snatched the cigarette from Avilio’s hand and lighted it up, puffing softly. He inhaled once, let go of the air, inhaled again, feeling the tobacco spreading through his nerves and soothing him. The unbearable sadness remained in him, though.

“Like hell, it was. This feels like I’m raping you.”

Avilio raised an eyebrow slightly. Nero placed the cigarette between his lover’s reddened lips and waited until Avilio had a good puff before retiring it and putting it back to his own mouth.

“Well, I get it up for you, right?” the young man commented in a neutral voice. “And I have come in the end, the two times.”

 _‘That’s right,’_ Nero thought, almost raising his expectations.

“What do you mean?” he asked aloud.

But Avilio turned on the bed, giving him his back, and pulled the duvet up to his neck, covering his nudity.

“I’m tired. And sleepy.”

Nero lied down by his side, but on top of the bedcovers, with half a mind of having a shower before he got too sleepy as well. He stared at the ceiling with his hands intertwined under his head as a second pillow.

“Avilio, what do we do now?”

“Hmmm... I don’t know. I didn’t plan so far.”

Nero turned his face to look at the back of Avilio’s head, frowning.

“What? You are the one who is always planning ahead. You are the brain here!”

The answer came half muffled by a yawn.

“Well, I’m sorry to disappoint you. Good night.”

The next morning Nero tried to question him again, but the reply was more or less the same. Nero started to think that Avilio had actually planned only towards the murder of the Vannetti family, and he hadn’t the foggiest about what to do afterwards, not only regarding himself, but in general. The world could end the day after the massacre and he wouldn’t move a single facial muscle.

Apparently, all that Avilio wanted to do now was sleep. The gangster tried to entertain himself and let the boy rest, but after a couple of days of Avilio sleeping a solid twenty hours a day, Nero started to fear for his companion’s well being. The young man didn’t want to eat, and he only ingested sweets and coffee, and even that only if Nero brought them to their bed, because he refused to get up. Apart from short trips to the toilet, Avilio stayed in bed all the time, alleging he was tired.

At night, Nero lied by his side, ignoring the narrow second bed of the room, and sometimes Avilio would hide his face on his chest and allow him to run his hand through black, silky hair. Although the boy’s eyes were dry, Nero could see the aura of despair surrounding him as thick as if it was made of mud.

“There’s no more plans left…,” Avilio muttered against his shoulder, when he insisted. “What for? There’s nothing else.”

“Don’t say that…,” Nero whispered, kissing his forehead. His heart felt heavy as a rock inside his chest.

“I don’t even have the comfort of knowing I will meet Corteo and my family when I am gone… Corteo, my little brother Luce, they were all innocent and kind souls, while my hands are stained with so much blood… You know, I could fulfil my part of the deal with the Galassias and murder you. It would be easy. Killing has become like a second nature for me. And it’s so weird… I used to despise you, the mafia. I did a lot of swindle and thievery when I lived in the streets, but I never considered finishing someone. Until I joined the Vanettis.”

The words stung. Nero wondered, not for the first time, about in how many ways he had destroyed Avilio’s life. He had not only taken part in the killing of his family, but he also had contributed to an awry childhood and to his engrained loneliness and suspicion. Not to speak of his ordering Avilio to shoot his one and only friend. Avilio was isolated, and he realised then that it wasn’t by choice, as he had thought at the beginning. No, it was all his fault.

He tightened his embrace around those narrow shoulders and let his hands run down the boy’s back. Avilio’s frame was slender and warm, and he felt himself stir, even under those circumstances. The young man noticed it and lifted his head to kiss his lips.

Avilio always accepted his advances, and Nero thought, with a sigh, while he unbuttoned his companion’s shirt, that perhaps it was just a way to distract his mind from those black thoughts of his. He could comfort himself thinking he was helping Avilio, in a way. Except another part of him laughed bitterly at that farce and loathed himself for touching Avilio.

He missed Barbero, a lot; he had always been his brain, while Vanno was his ‘partner in crime’, the one who would cheer him up and share his roguery. How would he know what to do next without Barbero by his side? He was a natural born leader, but he lacked the wits his loyal friend had. It was distressing being on his own, knowing that he was left to his own devices. That thought, that kind of loneliness, was eating him more than the mourning. Everybody was gone. And the only one still alive, the only one who counted right now, would join the dead too if he didn’t do something.

Watching Avilio get thinner and more exhausted every day made his blood freeze and his mind go into full panic. ‘ _I’m going to lose him. Like Father, like Barbero, like Vanno, like Frate. Everything has vanished, my family, my status, my friends… What am I gonna do if he vanishes too?_ ’ He would seat on a chair and watch Avilio sleep for hours, thinking hard but unable to do anything.

He was fully aware of the fact that they were staying at the nearest town to that Florida beach where the Galassias expected him to die. Even if he didn’t go back to Lawless or Chicago, they would still look for him and Avilio. They should disappear, find new names, new identities and a new car. Their car was hidden under some bushes at the motel’s rear patio, but that was not safe.

The fourth day at the motel and Avilio refused to eat even the canned pineapple he was so fond of, accepting only a shared cigarette. Nero stood up and left with a bang on the door as soon as the cigarette had turned into ashes.

‘ _Florida. Who does my family know in Florida?…_ ’ he muttered to himself.

Come morning, he shook Avilio’s shoulder not too gently until the young man roused.

“Let me sleep, you bastard…”

“Nope, that won’t happen.” Avilio raised his face from the pillow, and even in his sleepy stupor Nero saw traces of surprise. A tiny grin pulled the corners of his lips up for the first time in days. “Get up and dress. We have to go to work.”

“…What?”

In the end Nero pulled Avilio onto his feet and helped him to get dressed into a brand new suit and a crisp white shirt. The young man looked at his grinning face with suspicion.

“Mind to explain me what’s all of this about?” he grunted.

Nero threw a midnight blue tie around Avilio’s neck and knotted it with care.

“I went through all the contacts the Vanettis have in Florida… until I found someone who would help us even in the actual predicament. So right now we have brand new IDs, a new plate on our car and a job to attend.”

He clutched the boy’s shoulders and inspected him: Avilio still looked gaunt and too pale, but he could always say that the boy had just recovered from an illness. The suit was good quality and made him look like a fine young man from an upper-middle class family, fresh from high school. ‘ _Good. There goes my back story for him_ ’. He patted his shoulders, slightly awkward, and poured two coffees from a thermos.

“I don’t want to work for the mafia,” Avilio announced.

“It’s a legal job, don’t worry.”

Avilio arched his eyebrow in disbelief, but accepted the coffee.

“Yesterday, I met for lunch with an old friend of my father…” he explained while sipping his own hot drink with care. “He was never involved in my family’s business, but Father helped him once, when he was young and unemployed. Afterwards, he started working for General Motors and now his son is the Head Manager for Florida. They need a new sales manager for this area, and this is where we enter in the equation.”

Avilio frowned and squinted at him.

“Cars? Are we going to sell cars now? Honestly, Nero…”

The ex-gangster raised his hand to stop his words.

“Look, I had to use all my charm to pique his interest. He needs someone not only capable, but loyal, because the last managers they had robbed him. So I will be on trial: if I can’t make the amount of sales they expect from the store, and at the same time prove them that I am legit, we are done for. I need your support for this, do you understand?”

The young man shrugged and looked aside, placing the coffee cup on the night table.

“If that’s what you want to do… But what am I supposed to do there?”

Nero urged him out the room and started walking towards their car, clean of mud, with a full deposit and a brand new plate.

“You will be my assistant, so please behave accordingly. Here, this is your new driving license.”

Avilio opened the document and raised his eyebrows at seeing his new name.

“Luce Bellini…,” he muttered. Casting a questioning look at Nero, he added: “So now I’m Luce?”

There was a slight amused undertone in his voice, which made Nero smile fondly.

“Since it was your brother’s name, I thought you would like it. Of course, if you are against it, I could ask for another document made… Luce.”

Avilio clutched the leather-bound paper to his chest.

“No… I like it.”

A tiny smile tugged the corners of his lips, and Nero’s heart skipped a beat. There was a knot in his throat when he sat on the driver’s seat of the car.

The job was less routine than he expected, but also easier: he had to run a store with fifteen employees under him, consisting on half a mile of exhibition area and a two-storey office building. They sold cars and pieces, and also did repairing works. The son of his father’s friend was his direct boss, but he only popped by once a week to check everything was going fine, and although he had been kind of suspicious about him during that first-contact lunch, due to his mafia background, he became soon relaxed and cheerful around him. It was evident that his charm still worked.

In fact, all his staff was soon eating from the palm of his hand, especially the female clerks, who almost swooned in his passing, but the guys in the workshop and the younger sellers looked up at him as well. The older ones were another story altogether, since they had expected to be promoted to the position he held right now, but it was to be expected, and Nero hoped he would win them with time.

He worked hard during the next months, securing his position as the unquestioned manager, earning the trust of his bosses and his employees alike. Soon he was able to rent a small terraced house in the centre of town: three bedrooms, an airy dining room, a small but cosy living room, kitchen, pantry, bathroom and a little garden.

“What a waste of space…” Avilio commented. His face showed mixed feelings again, which Nero was still unable to read. “Why do we need three bedrooms? We only use one.”

Nero chuckled and held his middle from behind, nuzzling his neck.

“The General Motors Sales Manager for the South Florida area can’t live in a hovel: I have a public image to keep. Besides, I was thinking of bringing Fio to live with us as soon as we are established… The baby is coming soon.”

Avilio nodded and turned in his arms to return the embrace.

Nero’s heart still leaped at those signs of affection. Avilio stopped searching for the gun with his gaze after the first weeks of their job, and if it was true that he didn’t look exactly happy, he was eating more normally again. The hours passed quickly when they were at the store, surrounded by people, talking to customers or studying the sales balance with his workmates. They had dinner together at a small café near the store, had a drink afterwards and then went back home, everyday. Nero still wanted him every night, and Avilio complied in his own manner, without enthusiasm, but the way he grabbed Nero’s neck during sex and slept cuddled close to him filled the man with joy. He would scold Nero when he called him “gorgeous” in their shared heated moments, but there was a subtle smile on his lips that told Nero his compliments weren’t hated.

He was chatting cheerfully with a customer when Avilio knocked on the door of his office. His face was blank, but he gave them a cold stare.

“Mister Pacci, there’s a phone call for you,” he said. ‘Pacci’ was Nero’s new surname. “From Lawless.”

He let the words sink in, clearly enjoying Nero’s shocked reaction before he could disguise it with a smile.

“Ah, of course! Sorry, ma’am, I have to take the call. Luce, please, could you keep explaining Mrs. Adams the features of the new Buick model?”

When he came back to his office, Mrs. Adams was already signing the purchase papers. If Nero was a natural for selling stuff, with his charisma and his charming smiles, Avilio had the ability of saying the right word in the right moment: it was almost astounding. The rest of the staff was starting to call them “the wonder duo” at their backs, regarding their selling numbers.

Nero saw the customer off and then walked back to his office and closed the door at his back, grinning from ear to ear.

“It’s all said and done, Avilio! Cerotto is sending Fio by train tomorrow. At last!”

He was so happy he could kiss the young man right then, and he would have certainly done it if it wasn’t by the windows panels that formed the walls of his office: everything he did could be easily seen from the outside, from the common space of the sales department. Avilio kept looking at him blankly, swivelling in his chair.

“What’s that face for? Aren’t you happy for me?”

Nero’s good mood dampened a little. He knew perfectly well that Avilio wasn’t the most joyful person in the world, but he was going to reunite with his only family, and he felt like celebrating. In fact, he was about to suggest dining out at a nice restaurant for a change, with champagne and everything Avilio could wish. But his lover pulled a face and avoided his eyes.

“I am, of course. It’s not about that.”

“Then?”

“Then. Do you need to flirt with everything in a skirt that comes into the store? Is that your only way of selling? Because, honestly, I expected more professionalism from you… Eh? What are you grinning for?”

“Am I grinning?”

“Yes, you are, in a very disturbing way, if I can say so… Eeeh? Wait!”

Nero laughed loudly and pulled him by his forearm out his office and down the stairs. ‘ _He is jealous. He is fucking jealous, for god’s sake!’_ Of course he was grinning!

“Annie, Luce and I are going for a stroll, we want to try that new model by ourselves!” he shouted to his secretary, pushing Avilio out the building.

He opened the door of a brand new car, just arrived to the store, so Avilio could enter. The boy did, with annoyance and surprise fighting to win over each other on his features.

“Where are we going? We are supposed to be working, you know…”

Nero started the car, still smiling.

“What about a stroll to the ocean?” he asked. “We haven’t been there in months.”

Avilio opened his eyes wide in surprise, and his lower lip trembled a bit when he answered.

“But it’s still daylight…”

“I can’t wait until dusk.” Nero hummed at the steering wheel and let the heel of his hand rub the side of Avilio’s thigh. “Luce… the name suits you well. You are the light of my life.”

Long, nimble fingers intertwined with his on top of Avilio’s leg, and when he turned his face to take a look at him the strength of the emotions in the young man’s eyes made his pulse race.

“Hurry,” Avilio whispered, “I need to kiss you right now.”

 

 

 

* _Luce_ means 'light' in Italian.

**Author's Note:**

> You can follow me in tumblr! I reblog everything to do with 91 Days at the moment (and I'm not stopping soon, I can tell), besides Yuri on Ice, Dramatical Murder, Durarara and yaoi.
> 
> http://ertal77.tumblr.com/


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